Message to A Sister

To my dear sister,
Most people have heard of the story of a professor putting the big stones into a hugh glass jar. He then poured in smaller stones, then poured in sand, then poured in water. This is not to show his student no matter how full it looks, there is still room to add (improve); But is to show them, if you do not put in the big stones first, you will never get to put them in at all.

I believe there are big milestones in life we put in - Birth, Maturity, Career, Marriage, Pregnancy, Child-Birth, Health, Knowing-God. Some of these happen at specific time. If we miss any of it, we may feel some regret in life.

One thing I learned not so early was:
'If you don't manage your life's milestones, decide and chart your path... life will pass you by.'

Are you marrying him? Dunno.
Do you love him? Dunno.
Do you plan to find someone else? Dunno.
When do you think you should get married? Dunno.
Have kids? Dunno.

These are the answer I get from you. Is it a trend now?

Actually in olden days, like mom and dad, people were somewhat unconsciously aware of marriage milestone. They plan their path, aim to marry specific person at a specific time. May be life is easier nowadays, so people takes things for granted... until one day when they get old, no matter how much money they have... they will fall back to face certain milestones they miss - marriage, pregnancy, kids.

TV, movie, novel sometimes beautifies things. People are forever waiting for things to happen by itself... forgetting that milestones need them to plan to achieve.

Stop waiting for your lover to knee down asking for marriage, you two can actually sit down and plan for it. Stop looking at oversea just because you feel that there is no equal opportunity in this country. There is no one place in the world that has equal opportunity. Every country has people succeed and become millionaires, and every country has beggars too. Do you know poorer countries says here is heaven?

One do not need to be equal to go for success. One just need an opportunity and hard work to be successful... remember that. Read books of successful people, their mind set is different than usually what people thought things were. That's why they are successful no matter where you place them in the world. Upgrade your mindset, not only career updates, you will have a wiser view, and you will be happier without all the complaining.

Love,
Your sister.

Stay-at-home Mom, Keep It Up!

A friend of mine got married and have babies. She never go back to work in the office, and just stay at home to take care of the kids. She sometimes wonder 'Is it worth it to let go my good career to be a homemaker? Now I don't get to wear nice clothes and makeup to work, I don't see many people, I seldom socialize or network, I can't go out whenever I like, and most of the time I feel like I can't handle the kids like I handle my work (so well) in office.'

I realised even woman that decided to quit her job during their kids schooling age will have the similar thinking in the first 2 years, regardless they know of the important reason behind handling that resignation letter or not - the reason to let kids have a mom at home. Some will end up going back to the work force because, at the end of the day, work is still easier to handle than little human being, and work has a time-out.

In order for myself not to dwell into the same thinking
(1) I get myself to read books about raising kids. James Dobson's books are among the good ones. They are to remind myself of the importance of the role of a mother at home. What I can observe and input to my kids in the early age before they reach the teenage years.

(2) I pickup the habit to groom myself whenever I go out somewhere... to shop for something, or visit someone. Make sure no messy hair, ugly T-shirt, etc.

(3) Plan a simple time table with my kids, to do things together, go for a walk together, exercise together, and take any opportunity to update them on knowledge, beliefs, values.

(4) Take a day off to go out with girlfriends, or sisters, or hubby.

(5) Pick up a passion part time work or hobby. Mine is to continue my bridal makeup service to others.

(6) Talk to someone who is doing the same thing, or who has done it. I once met an elderly lady who told me I am doing the right thing, and encourage me to keep it up. She did the same and all her 3 kids graduated, and are successful adults working in various fields. She can't imagine how they will turn out to be if she did not stay at home to keep an eye on them.

(7) I get myself involve in some woman's group to keep myself updated. Attend some of the event or workshop to know more ladies, and share things that ladies like to talk about. Recently found interesting topic regarding some big IT companies thinking of providing shorter work time or work-from-home for moms, cause they see the trend where a high-performer leave after having babies. US already starting this!

For those who are working, I urge you to consider staying at home as an option, especially if your salary is mainly covering your working expenses, extra car, petrol, working clothes, baby-sitting and maid. Because a mom at home for the kids cannot really replace simply by any other person or program (baby-sitting, maid, tuition, etc).

If you are a stay-at-home-mom or a work-from-home mom, welcome you to contact me. We can keep in touch to encourage each other to do our best in this primary role of mother. Although we are not pay a salary, this is the most important task one cannot put a price tag on. We should be proud of ourselves, and we will be glad on how our kids turn out to be later... that will be our greatest rewards in days to come.


'Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.' ~ Deuteronomy 4:9